Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Fit to be Thai-ed?

Happy new year to my blogging community!

Today, I look forward and backward, tying up loose ends, preparing for an uncertain future, and all while relishing each moment as fully as possible. Last night, as I celebrated with so many of my spiritual journeyers in the foothills LaVerne, California, the preciousness of my final days in the states began to set in. This morning, as I Skyped with my 88 year old grandfather, I saw the pride in his smile as he called me a "short-timer." My sweet 3 year old niece held my face two mornings ago and said, after a long and hard hug from her Aunt Jessie, "I'll Skype you on my 'puter." The days of putting things off for another day when I have more time to deal with the paperwork, throw those last few things out, drop belongings off at the Goodwill, have long since passed and the time for TTFNs is upon me.

It's easy to let the walls go up these days. To feel detached or distant when someone tells a story that seems petty all of a sudden. I notice that pet peeves that usually got my goat have shifted into endearing habits of my dear family members and friends. When I say goodbye, I truly mean it, and get a bit misty-eyed in the process. Life is shifting and I am embracing the shift with all the courage I can muster. The lyrics of my favorite Sunday-night Begin Within songs at ClaremontCSL underscore most moments throughout my days. When did I get so sentimental, and how am I already nostalgic for things that are still right in front of me?

I've read that some of my fellow volunteers are already packed. I am not.
I've read that some of my fellow volunteers have already bid their farewells. I have not.
I've read that some of my fellow volunteers already know the entire Thai alphabet. I do not.

I am not fit to be tied, that is true. I am filled with love, appreciation, and anticipation. But, am I fit to be Thai-ed? Perhaps not. For whatever reason, my organized Virgo nature is not deterred by my current state. I know that all is well, and that this moment is as precious as any moment that has passed, and any moment that is to come. I know there will be clothes in Thailand, if I bring the wrong thing. I know that there will be time to learn and transition and ask questions and feel discouraged and feel inspired and feel amazed and feel humbled at every point on this journey. I am here. It is now. That is perfect.

And so it is.